Another Thanksgiving Day is upon us, and soon thereafter will be the Christmas and Hanukkah holidays, and then New Year’s Day. Although all these holidays come with wishes of good cheer, these end-of-year holidays can be a real struggle for many people. But much has been written about the healing and strengthening effects of expressing gratitude and thanksgiving even in the midst of adversities and while experiencing the dark clouds of depression. Use any search engine to look up results for “gratitude despite adversity” and a plethora of useful websites, both religious and secular, are found very easily. Mental health studies have demonstrated repeatedly that people who focus on counting the good things in their life, no matter how “small” or “insignificant” that good thing is, improve their mental state and their physical well-being. And that’s a good thing for which to be grateful!
Last year I wrote a blog article about the importance of thankfulness and gratitude, which I believe bears repeating. The good things that come out of adversity are endurance and perseverance, empathy and compassion for others, better insight and understanding of oneself, of others, and of both the enjoyable and painful realities of life, and a better appreciation for the gift of each and every truly good thing that each day can bring.
Awhile back my husband and I knew a pastor who passed along an analogy that is very helpful in getting the right perspective on suffering and adversity. He likened difficulties to a big ugly plate held up closely to our eyes. All we can see up close is that repulsive plate . . . until we put some distance between ourselves and that ugly plate, reducing its size. Only then can we make ourselves look around at the bigger world that has some beautiful, good things upon which we can refocus. It comes down to focus. If all we look at is the big ugly adversity then we’ll continue a downward spiral into deeper depression, despair, and hopelessness. We have to refocus our mind’s eye on the bigger picture that there is still some good and beauty in this world, and in good people around us.
I’ve had to pull myself out of my darkest moments by thinking very mindfully of the good things I have and also, despite not really feeling like it, reaching out to others in their own needs. Sometimes just being around friends or co-workers was enough to get me moving out of a dark funk. Engaging with people and focusing on those kinds of good, healthy, positive things and activities are what help us to flex our mental and spiritual muscles to express and feel real gratitude and thankfulness, despite difficulties.
Choosing to have an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness isn’t burying one’s head in the sand or denying harsh realities or in any way minimizing the severity of adversity. Rather, practicing gratitude and thankfulness are what’s needed to strengthen the necessary armor to fight off the darkness.
In 1981 when I was commuting to community college and renting from my mother the home in which I had grown up, I spent that particular Thanksgiving by myself. My mother lived in a house in the same neighborhood with the man she married a couple of years after my father’s death in 1972. My mother’s second husband was a moody and temperamental man, and not pleasant to be around due to his unpredictable meanness. Despite being invited to my mother’s Thanksgiving meal — and she was a very good cook — I chose to stay at my home and enjoy a simple turkey dinner to share with my cats. Better to have peace than a feast. It was one of my best Thanksgivings. In the midst of difficulties we can choose our happiness.
I often refer people to read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl was a professor of psychology who specialized in helping people prone to suicide. When the Nazis came into power Frankl and his family were soon persecuted and they lived briefly in a ghetto, where his father died. Frankl’s sister had escaped to Australia, but his brother and mother died in Auschwitz, and his wife, pregnant with their first child, died in Bergen-Belsen. Frankl survived three years in four different Nazi concentration camps.
Frankl’s book speaks to the choice of mindset we all have within our power to make in the midst of profound, seemingly pointless and endless suffering. There’s no doubt that, prior to the Nazis’ ruination of so many lives, Frankl’s passion to counsel, encourage, and help those battling depression and suicidal tendencies prepared him for his abysmal concentration camp experience. In the camp he continued to serve as a mental health counselor to the other prisoners. He admits in his book that as he and others suffered the worst masochistic cruelties committed by the Nazi prison camp guards and officers that he had to force himself to offer care and hope to his other prison mates
God knows, I was not in the mood to give psychological explanations or to preach any sermons – to offer my comrades a kind of medical care for their souls. I was cold and hungry, irritable and tired, but I had to make the effort and use this unique opportunity. Encouragement was now more necessary than ever.
So I began by mentioning the most trivial of comforts first…. Whoever was still alive had reason for hope…. Whatever we had gone through could still be an asset to us in the future…. I also mentioned the past; all its joys, and how its light shone even in the present darkness. Again I quoted a poet … who had written, “What you have experienced, no power on earth can take from you.” … I told my comrades (who lay motionless, although occasionally a sigh could be heard) that human life, under any circumstances, never ceases to have meaning, and that this infinite meaning of life includes suffering and dying, privation and death.
Frankl stated, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” He recounted, for example, that he and his other prison mates would look up from their grueling work or from the depressingly meager contents of their soup bowls to appreciate a beautiful sunset.
Standing outside we saw sinister clouds glowing in the west and the whole sky alive with clouds of ever-changing shapes and colors, from steel blue to blood red. The desolate grey mud huts provided a sharp contrast, while the puddles on the muddy ground reflected the glowing sky. Then, after minutes of moving silence, one prisoner said to another, “How beautiful the world could be!”
“How beautiful the world could be!” Now, if someone suffering excruciating, day after day, year after year pain and torment from cruel Nazi overlords can still choose to look beyond all that to focus on the beauty of a sunset invading a bleak concentration camp and reflecting its breathtaking glory in that camp’s mud puddles, then we can all choose hope, gratitude, and thanksgiving in whatever dismal circumstances we experience.
So then, regardless — or better yet — in the midst of whatever difficulties we experience, let’s choose to refocus on the beautiful, good realities we have in our lives, and express to ourselves and others our gratitude and thankfulness as we choose to celebrate our end of year holidays. Happy Thanksgiving!
